For several days, Democrats and Republicans alike have been puzzling over why President Trump would sell out America’s most loyal and key geostrategic allies in the Mideast, the Kurds.

The current explanation is that Trump, after a phone call with Turkish President Erdogan, impulsively decided to consult no advisers, and withdrew the 5,000 U.S. troops who had been preventing Turkey and Syria from overrunning the Kurds.

This move strengthens not only Syria and Turkey but also the influence of Trump’s archfoe, Iran, as well as Russia. One other piece of collateral damage is the liberation of a prison camp in northern Syria that had been holding hundreds of top-level ISIS prisoners.

Even given Trump’s impulsivity, the explanation just doesn’t add up. We cannot vouch for the authenticity of the following transcript, which was slipped under our door. It could be fake news.

Nechirvan Barzani, President of the Autonomous Kurdistan Region: Yes? President Trump? I am so happy to hear from you.

Donald Trump: Hello, Netchie, good to meet you, we’ve never spoken before. Listen, we are not sure you are worth the trouble. And I need to tell you that I have a hotel deal in the works in Istanbul. What can you do for me?

Barzani: Well, sir, we’d be happy to try to match it. We have plenty of land available in Erbil, but honestly, there is not a lot of tourist demand.

Trump: Yeah, I looked it up. What a dump. Rooms go for 39 bucks on Kayak. There are just three fleabags that call themselves four-star hotels. It’s kind of a shithole, no offense.

Barzani: None taken, sir. You know, a five-star Trump tower would help bring in tourists, and help stabilize the Autonomous Kurdistan Region. And as I said, we’d pay. And we can also throw in some oil.

Trump: Nah, I don’t think so. Doesn’t sound like the place is worth visiting or investing in, much less defending. Istanbul is a better bet. Sayonara, or whatever you people say